The police detective opened the car door and stepped firmly into the puddle. He trotted out of the puddle into a singularly damp snowdrift. Cursing, he slogged onto the path where he waited for the sergeant to walk around. The… Continue Reading
I got one job. Watch the birdie. Or should I say the Escalade. Really, I got two jobs, watch and then tail. Could be worse. Could be delivering packages to the docks like Petey. No thanks. I’ll take just sittin’… Continue Reading
“You know this isn’t a real holiday, right?” Klepto Bayley Klepac asked. “I know it’s not a real holiday,” I said, “But I like to celebrate it, so I do.” Bayley gave me a confused look, paid her breakfast check,… Continue Reading
Dear Esteemed Mr. Bentley: By now, news of what happened at the Bentley Alchemy Factory in Toaddeep Sound should’ve reached you. While individuals might describe the factory’s current state as “blown to the hells,” please be reassured that these are… Continue Reading
I low key wanted him to book that indie movie with Timothée Chalamet, but my bubble burst when the opening orchestra music of Apocalypse 2035: The Wave After Tomorrow shook the theatre. I should’ve told him there was a reason… Continue Reading
I once had this mate who only loved his gal when she was wearing her glasses. Yeah! Or at least he was only attracted to her when she had them on — and try loving a bird you’re not attracted… Continue Reading
Emma Monroe’s phone rang. Eighty years old, a former professor of philosophy, she liked to believe she hadn’t lost any of her sharpness over time. She answered the phone before the second ring, noting that she didn’t recognize the caller… Continue Reading
Of course, they didn’t call it The Swedish Death Cleaning Act. “Death” wasn’t going to get any votes. But when they switched in “Patriotic” and “American,” Tada! The “Patriotic Environmental American Cleaning Enactment” passed with a bipartisan majority. Belongings were… Continue Reading
A new housing crisis amongst the dead has skyrocketed the national average of soul/m² in apartments of major cities. Although the rent fees have been rising steadily for the living, many decide to leave their lavish lifestyles and move to… Continue Reading
Dawn broke over the cracked windows of the Pi Iota Gamma fraternity. The living area was strewn with red Solo cups, pizza boxes, overturned kegs, and the general detritus of a weekend rager. This metaphorical pigsty was given more literal… Continue Reading