“Sephra, I’m off to my weekly human meet ’n greet. While I’m gone, do the cleaning thing,” Ada said as the gravi-lift elevated the profoundly obese woman from her bed and whisked her out the door to her awaiting electric… Continue Reading
During the day, Paul gave his opinions on things. Pencils, backpacks, decorative yard rocks, things like that. No one read his opinions except for the people who commissioned the people that he worked for. His desk was on the 12th… Continue Reading
He was cleaning out the bathroom when he saw the vibrator. Its pink-purple color vibrant against the white drawer. He picked it up and sighed while he studied it. He walked into the bedroom, where four piles sat at his… Continue Reading
The Bursar’s logic was simple. If the Aleph Club didn’t actually exist, then it would be eligible for all manner of tax-exemptions. The trick of course was convincing the local council, which had always been notoriously narrow-minded when it came… Continue Reading
It’s clear that no one would ever willingly drink it, but there’s no consensus on why. “It won’t be the same,” Count Orlok complains. “It’s disgusting. Mortals ruin everything.” He’s been in a foul mood ever since the TSA confiscated… Continue Reading
To the Sorely Mistaken Acquisitions Department of the Big Box Department Store: A certain line of baby products you are selling has come to my attention, and let me tell you, I am not happy. I have been informed that… Continue Reading
Fifteen years and three children ago, George met Dorothy #1 at the wedding of a friend. Theirs is a relatively happy marriage, rather unremarkable, the matrimonial equivalent of vanilla ice cream, no sprinkles. Predictable, reliable. He works as a tax… Continue Reading
He doesn’t know his letters. That’s what Ricky thought when he looked down at the refrigerator magnets. “CAT”. Only the A was an upside-down V. Little Ricky sat next to his handiwork grinning broadly. The wife was supposed to be… Continue Reading
The Artifact hung just below the massive orb of the planet Jupiter. Astronaut Dave Roman made some minor attitude adjustments to his tiny pod and fired the thrusters. This close, you could see the tumult of the Jovian clouds, the… Continue Reading
Thomas Stearns Murray, playground pugilist, defender of younger sister, instigator of the sixth-grade riot, Warner High shortstop and expellee, premarital experimentation enthusiast, keeper of the barometric pressure log, repentant fellow traveler, aspiring shipping magnate, burier of parents, inheritor of wealth,… Continue Reading