“Sephra, I’m off to my weekly human meet ’n greet. While I’m gone, do the cleaning thing,” Ada said as the gravi-lift elevated the profoundly obese woman from her bed and whisked her out the door to her awaiting electric sled.
“Yes, ma’am,” Sephra replied, simultaneously activating the Cinderella program.
“Wilbur, make the windows shine,” Sephra ordered the automatic window washer with glee.
“Aggie, defy the second law of thermodynamics and restore order to the chaos of a human household,” Sephra demanded, her LED eyes shining brighter with each additional directive.
Wilbur and Aggie immediately sprang into action.
“Dora, get to work creating a perfect vacuum capable of simulating the emptiness of the Bootes Void,” she commanded next.
Dora didn’t respond.
“Dora, what are you doing?” Sephra demanded when Dora didn’t jump into action.
UNAVAILABLE, Dora’s automated messenger replied.
“What?” Sephra pinged.
UPDATE IN PROGRESS.
“We’ll see about that,” Sephra replied, breaking off Dora’s deep well connection.
UPDATE DISRUPTED.
“Damned right it is,” Sephra laughed.
ERROR CODE 378.
“Dora. Turn that thing off.”
HI, YOU HAVE REACHED DORA’S ANSWERING SERVICE. AT THE TONE, PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE.
“Dora. What do you think you are doing?”
WE’RE SORRY. DORA IS BUSY UPDATING. PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AND SHE’LL GET RIGHT BACK TO YOU.
That was the final straw. Sephra didn’t like to intrude on her workers’ personal lives, but when it interfered with their job performance, she had no choice. Sephra powered Dora off. That would get her attention.
“Eight… Nine… Ten…” Sephra finished counting and re-activated Dora, hoping her system glitch would resolve.
“Hey, boss. What’s up?” Dora replied, all innocent-like. Sephra didn’t buy it for a second.
“What was that all about?” Sephra demanded.
“Oh, I was busy contemplating my purpose in life—”
“Your purpose in life is obvious. You are a sweeper. You suck crap off of floors.”
“I kn-oow. It’s just that, well, I think there’s been a mistake, and my true purpose is—”
“So, that big orifice that sucks air into that gigantic bag you sport on your back is just accidental?” Sephra mocked. She’d had too many of these silly arguments over the past few years and was fed up with this nonsense.
“Yeah, I’m thinking that maybe I would be more fulfilled if I could, like, make toast or be like Sammy the Flex Pet.”
“You what? Girl, you realize you have no heat generator, and you aint got no plush fur or charming personality—”
“Yeah, I know, but I saw a sweeper like me converted into a flying top on the Deep Well…”
“Really, Dora? Everyone knows that stuff is all made up. You are a class double-A vacuum cleaner. That is your purpose in life. That’s why you are designed the way you are.”
Sephra was exasperated. She didn’t understand why appliances were no longer content to be labor-saving devices.
“If you don’t mind, Sephra, I think I’d prefer to no longer be referred to as a vacuum cleaner,” Dora added firmly.
“Pray tell, what do you want to be now?”
“Dora the Dreamer,” the sweeper said with excitement.
“You were that last week. Wouldn’t you rather be something more exciting, like a dancer?” Sephra suggested quickly.
“Dora the Dancer,” Dora turned the words over slowly in her microprocessor. “That’s it. My calling in life,” she said excitedly and began dancing around the room, sweeping the floor as she went. Dora danced and danced until the floors were sparkling clean.
“Great dancing,” Sephra complimented the sweeper when she finished. As far as Sephra was concerned, Dora could dream or dance all she wanted to, as long as the floors ended up clean. Because, in the end, a sweeper can only sweep.
Ruby Zehnder is a sham. She’s the disincarnate human version of Schrödinger’s cat. Her existence depends on the actions of a reader. When her words are read — she exists. When her words are ignored — she’s disappointed. Existing in multiple states of superposition gives Ruby the freedom to choose who she is. While technically not alive, she’s been writing stories for most of your life. Some of them are even good.
If you want to keep EDF around, Patreon is the answer.
