A new housing crisis amongst the dead has skyrocketed the national average of soul/m² in apartments of major cities. Although the rent fees have been rising steadily for the living, many decide to leave their lavish lifestyles and move to the less haunted countryside.

An anonymous ghost from Bologna spoke to our paper about the situation.

“It’s a tragedy! Ten of us occupy one bathroom, you have no personal hovering space. We used to have some living who kept up the place, but not even the squatters come to live here anymore. We have no jobs, no purpose in death. Giovanni, the guy who died right before me, is thinking of moving abroad. I don’t know man, it’s crazy.”

With the growing number of the alive, the number of the dead is accumulating as well. Before the technological boom in civilization, there were on average 0.3 soul/m² in big city apartments. According to Skeletoff, a non-profit ghost research organisation, this number can go up to 20 soul/m² in largely populated areas.

The shocking rise in the dead population creates an abundance of souls, ready to haunt the alive. Open positions to haunt are scarce. Many just float in the air with others, waiting for a soul to appear. Unfortunately, this new situation leaves even the celebrities jobless.

Maria H. Globin, famously known as Bloody Mary, has recently posted an eye-opening statement on her necrosocial media.

Bloody Mary

One person with a beating heart thrown on the street is a social issue. But two hundred ghosts floating in a stuffed room with no soul to feed on is just another day in London. The housing crisis is not just about the living.

Another tragic result of the rise in ghost numbers is a new phenomenon called gang-ghosting. There have been many reports across the world of the living experiencing multiple possessions all at once. A brave survivor of a gang-ghosting in London has spoken to our paper about their experience.

“I was walking home from work when all of a sudden there were dozens of white cloudy silhouettes surrounding me. At first I thought my eyes were playing a trick on me after staring at a computer screen for a full day of work, but quickly I realised that I was standing in the middle of a dead crowd. The ghosts started to pass through me, attaching and detaching from my soul. Physically it felt like being pushed around at the metro during rush hour, but spiritually, my experience was much more than that. I felt their pain, saw their past lives, kissed their past lovers in just under a second. For a brief moment I was them and they were me. On the border of dead and alive. If I wasn’t a fan of romantic horror movies, I’d probably be traumatised, but with the rising prices of streaming services and the horrors of modern dating, honestly it was just free entertainment.”

So what can be done? Certainly we cannot stop people from dying. Some have been thinking outside the coffin and created support groups where ghosts can haunt freely. One of the most successful groups is called Improv-me-dead, based in Los Angeles.

Improv-me-dead was created by a mixed couple (alive and dead), who connected through their love of amateur acting. The power couple behind this group invites everyone with or without a heartbeat to roleplay and act out famous haunting scenes. Amateur actors from both sides of the spectrum have spoken of experiencing positive changes in their mental health. Perhaps the future of humanity will be saved by underground kinky roleplay.

Although there are success stories, the issue seems to remain unsolved for now. Unemployed ghosts are running big cities. Some who have given up on their afterlife have become addicted to the smoke of burning sage. Many have reported witnessing groups of ghosts hovering over the smoke of the anti-ghost plant, moaning simultaneously in pain and pleasure. Sage provides a momentary euphoria for the unalive but over time can cause severe damage to their metaphysical bodies. Common symptoms are a discoloured shape, difficulty to control hovering and loss of the ability to move through walls.

Organisations like Skeletoff are making active attempts at providing more resources for the unemployed unalive residents, but as of now the crisis keeps on affecting the everyday lives and afterlives of all.

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Sára Bányai is a Hungarian writer and professional fool, who earned their degree in Theatre and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. Her works are published in Mono Fiction, Pulp Poets Press, Hobart, Rejection Letters and others. She is currently based in Malmö, looking for a cheap but sturdy backpack cover.

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