COMMUNITY POST: ROOSTER • by Lynn Kozlowski

LTK: Did anybody lose a rooster? He was smack in the middle of our half-acre backyard at daybreak yesterday, crowing again and again in the classic manner. We are not early risers. From the web, he could be a Rhode Island Red. Our lawn has been chemical free for 25 years, so he has plenty of bugs to eat as well as seeds falling from our bird feeders. He’s not very friendly and acts like he owns the place. We are not zoned for poultry and are vegan. Please reply here if you know where he belongs or want to provide him a forever home.

COMMENTS:

JS: I think I am hearing your rooster a few times a day. Post a picture.

Frank A: County Animal Rescue has a farm division. Call them. Roosters will crow for a whole bunch of reasons and not just at daybreak.

JS: Coyotes are everywhere. Can you get the rooster in your garage at night?

DBD: Get a predator-proof chicken coop online for under $100. Some places have relaxed their chicken bylaws. Even if there are rules against it, your neighbors still could be OK. Give them some eggs occasionally and they may not complain. Could be the start of quite a hobby.

Xeno: “Why did the rooster cross the road?” I don’t know. “To get to your place.”

JS: I am pretty sure I am hearing this rooster. No egg bribe would keep me from complaining about a rooster crowing when it feels like it.

LTK (response): Thanks. Left voice message at County Animal Rescue yesterday morning and have not heard back. We have a solid 5-foot-tall chain-link fence around the yard. As for bringing him in the garage, he only goes where he wants to go. Also, I don’t like getting too close to roosters or chickens. When I was small, my Polish grandparents had chickens in their yard. That rooster came for me every time we went there on Sunday visits. As I said, my wife and I are vegan. That means no eggs too. Nothing with parents.

JS: My Polish grandmother is visiting and says that if you hear a rooster crowing in the middle of the night it is an omen that something bad will happen.

BBQ Bob: Bad like a fox in the hen house bad or bad like the listener is going to die? If it was my backyard, I’d grab a broom and go after it till it moved along out of my yard. You can’t let yourself be cowed by a rooster. Shoo him out to the street. I’ll move your rooster along for a 20. And I’ll bring my own broom.

DBD: Chickens do not fly all that much, all that high, or all that far. Somebody put him in your backyard. Got any enemies?

Frank A.: Contact the City Coops Club. If he is a local runaway, they’d know about it.

Betty L: Does he look healthy or beat up? Rhode Island Red roosters are well known bullies and can be great fighters.

LTK (response): He looks healthy as far as I can tell. Kind of handsome for a rooster, I guess.

Xeno: “Knock, knock.” Who’s there? “Rooster.” Rooster who? “The rooster who use-ter be on other side of the road.”

Betty L: Happy to take him off your hands. Where are you?

The Tri-County Historical Village: We think you have our rooster, Todd. We have a petting farm as part of the T-C Historical Village. Our hens are sweethearts, but Todd is a pill. When the children are in the main pen feeding the hens, we keep Todd in a separate pen because he can be feisty — as you note. Please call or text us at xxx-xxx-xxxx with your address and we will send one of our farmers to pick him up. Todd is a Rhode Island Red. We are pretty sure you have Todd because he was kidnapped twice before. Last year he was put in another suburban backyard. The year before that he was used in a likely hazing incident at the State University. Early one Sunday morning Todd was put in the big common bathroom at the end of a dorm hall. Imagine how surprised the naked boys were when they showed up for their showers to find Todd in charge!

LTK (response): Thanks. Just texted. Home all afternoon. I am on faculty at the University. Hmm.

LTK (response): The lost rooster has been found. Mission accomplished. Though I have some suspicions about likely pranksters, I prefer not to pursue them. Todd can be viewed, not petted, at the T-C Historical Village during normal business hours. Donations welcome.


Lynn Kozlowski’s writing has appeared in such places as The Quarterly, The Malahat Review, 50-Word Stories, Poetry Breakfast, and failbetter.com. He has a volume of short pieces, Historical Markers. He also published scholarly articles in journals such as Science, Nature, The New England Journal of Medicine, JAMA, and Addiction. He divides his time between New York State, USA, and Ontario, Canada.


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