It’s summer again. Bikini season. I try to lose weight, really. I exercise, drink water, cut calories. I try to emulate slender people, slender species — to learn, and become something greater, well, thinner, but greater than myself in the… Continue Reading
The phone rang when my spoon hovered over a bowl of chocolate ice cream. I rose and pulled Alexander Graham Bell’s revenge out of my pants pocket. I ignored my wife’s tightly clasped hands and raised eyebrows. “Hello.” “Sir, I… Continue Reading
“Civic Holiday? Only Canada could come up with a generic name for a national holiday,” Nora snorted. She took a long sip of her Labatts and looked out the window of the Eganville Hotel at rain pouring into the Bonnechere… Continue Reading
With an unceremonious thud, Destiny drops a small box on the kitchen counter. It’s an ordinary-looking box, except for the slightly soggy bottom. As her boyfriend gets up with a start from the couch, she says, “Jojo, I just need… Continue Reading
So what if I wear Christmas panties in July? As long as I don’t get in a car accident, no one will ever know. So what if one pair has a small bell on the back that jingles softly under… Continue Reading
Tension builds as the line grows, its tail of bodies winding around the wooden bar. Kaleb eyes the people entering, frenzied in their need to start the day with caffeine. Dreary-eyed, he’s tempted to take a long swig of the… Continue Reading
The advice sounded simple. “Try changing the tone of your inner voice. Make that voice appealing, make it sexy.” After a lifetime of walking past the book in the grocery store checkout I had finally caved and bought it —… Continue Reading
How do you spell weentsie? What are you talking about? I’m making a baby shower invitation and want to write teentsie weentsie. How do you spell it? If you already know how to spell teencie, then why are you asking… Continue Reading
The President of the United States extended his hand to the Canadian ambassador. “Ambassador Mackenzie, so nice to see you.” Mackenzie, a burly bearded man, resembled a lumberjack. His fiery red hair almost matched his maple leaf lapel pin. He… Continue Reading
My fellow employees kept telling me, “Oh, she’s a real dragon.” I thought that meant bad, like a temper, or nasty. I pictured some hag with pointy spectacles and avoided going up to Accounts Payable so as not to get… Continue Reading