THE SALES CALL • by Warren Bull

The phone rang when my spoon hovered over a bowl of chocolate ice cream. I rose and pulled Alexander Graham Bell’s revenge out of my pants pocket. I ignored my wife’s tightly clasped hands and raised eyebrows.


“Sir, I would like to tell you about a special deal on carpet cleaning that my company is offering for a limited period of time.”

“Um, you know, I was just thinking about how much the carpet needs cleaning.”

“Excellent, sir. We can offer—”

I interrupted the spiel.



“Can you clean up blood? It’s really hard to get out of carpets, you know?”

“Yes it is, sir. I assure you we can clean up blood.”

“Lots of blood? What if it’s on furniture and walls too? Can you clean that?”

“Well, yes…”

“Excellent. When can you come over?”

“Sir, I don’t actually go on jobs myself. A cleaning crew…”

“No, you. This call was a sign. God wants you to help me in my hour of need.”

“L-Let me talk to my s-supervisor. Just a minute.”

I hummed the theme from The Twilight Zone as I waited.

“Hello, sir, I’m a supervisor…”

“I recognize your voice. You’re the Devil. You can’t fool me, Satan. Bye bye.”

I listened to the squawks coming from the phone for a moment before cutting the call off.

“Was that really necessary?” asked my wife.

“Perhaps not, but I hate getting sales calls at dinnertime.”

Warren Bull, award-winning author, has more than one hundred short stories published. His short story collections and his three novels are available on Amazon and GoRead. Warren is an active member of Mystery Writers of America and a lifetime member of Sisters in Crime with no hope of parole.

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