There once lived a person who attempted to banish the word “Sphincter.” Their name does not matter for it could well have been you or me. For as long as they could remember, they hated the word.
Fortunately, we have progressed as a society to where true and life changing interventions — such as the one imagined here — can now be made. It was decided that in order to deter the use of the word S******** (this being now the only way to write the word, which is not to be confused with the likewise banned word S******* or the unfortunate slur S*********) that in all of our devices should be installed an alarm to alert the authorities whenever the word S******** is uttered. Not in any social credit way, but rather to annoy one out of doing so. This “S******** Alarm” as it was called seemed so terrifying, so dystopian, no one dared to say the word and so the mission was accomplished at least as far as our protagonist was concerned.
Yet, our cathexes are not so easily lost, and our friend, well, they found themselves thinking even more about the S******** and whether the alarm which had never even been tested would work and if it worked would it deter the behavior of those saying S******** in a way better than the fear of the alarm itself, that is to say what would happen when we are no longer afraid of the punishment when the consequences are far less painful than the acquiescence itself. And so they became preoccupied with the prevention of thinking about one’s own physical S******** in order to prevent people thinking about the word S******** (who of us had even thought of the word in the months prior to reading this story?). Taco Bells were shuttered and Sex Ed was again banned in this country. And yet, one could not avoid thinking “all of this for the S********?”
And so it was impossible to avoid. People started to see S********s everywhere. In the irises of your lover’s eyes, on the lips of your mother’s kiss, underneath the tail of each cat, and every asterisk on the page. Staring in your face. And maybe it was you or maybe it was me — since we all wanted to do it — but we did it. Finally, someone uttered “Sphincter!”
And to everyone’s surprise no relief came from this outburst — for there was a glitch in the code. Instead of saying “S******** Alert! S******** Alert!,” the intern had programmed “Sphincter Alert! Sphincter Alert!” and set off a chain reaction of Sphincter alarms each setting off another Sphincter Alarm once the first “Sphincter” had been uttered. Although these days they have lowered the volume so that it can only be heard faintly on the quietest of nights or in the country (now called the “ol’ Sphincterside”), the Sphincter alarm has truly had lasting reverberations. For there used to be just one person who wanted to ban the word Sphincter.
Mick Song writes in California, USA.
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