Step right up, folks! Get one of my Patented Seeds of True Randomness before it’s too late!
When the Appetites manifest, only those capable of true randomness will survive. Those of you relying on pseudo-random algorithms will be sniffed out and consumed.
With just one of my Seeds you’ll be able to grow the chaos necessary to elude death. Each Seed is certified for a half-life of a hundred thousand years, more than long enough to weather the Re-shuffling.
You heard right, folks! My Seeds contain true randomness, and I’ve got something for every budget. I’ve got nuclear decay! I’ve got Shot noise! I’ve got spontaneous parametric down-conversion!
Still not convinced? Let me tell you something about the Appetites: They hunger for lack of information. They crave syntropy. And that’s what you are, folks. Walking talking terrified dearths of information. And that’s also what your pseudo-random algorithms are: clicking ticking negentropic liabilities.
No algorithm can produce true randomness. Who sold them to you? Was it that charlatan Stochastic Jones? Did he tell you about thermodynamic depth? The Appetites are just like us, folks. And food, in the end, is zero or one.
Jones’s algorithms are useless. All algorithms are, when it comes time to disappear.
The levee’s breaking, folks. Step right up before I’m sold out!
Joe Argentino is a translator and aspiring writer living in Chatsworth, California. He spent many years in China and still pines for noodle dishes unknown in the States.