I hated Christmas. “The elf did it,” Rudolph said before he spat a glob of tobacco juice into one of Mall of America’s promenade trashcans. Dark brown liquid splattered his faux fur. The combined scent of Red Man and dark… Continue Reading
Lady Arabella Spenser was day-dreaming of monsters and knights in shining armor when her carriage abruptly stopped in the middle of the woods. Rudely called back to reality by the oddity, Arabella pulled back the window curtain to see what… Continue Reading
Uncle Fida had reached that grim age where food is the chief pleasure but most of one’s teeth are gone. He’d been a fiery young man; his reputation as a terrifying old one had been vanquished by his own frailty.… Continue Reading
Epiphany struck when Austin Jackson flushed the toilet. The bathroom, with its shining white porcelain and glittering chrome, cleaned and polished by his very own hands, was one of the few bright spots in his life. Bemused, he wandered into… Continue Reading
“Now you’ll stay in at night,” Joe told Houdini, the big, orange, cantankerous-looking tabby he was trying to stuff into a carrier. Not flippin’ likely, said Houdini, although of course he didn’t because he was a cat. Instead, he arched… Continue Reading
Docking at the space station, Dex Branson momentarily forgot about the two-ton shark in the science bay. He was dreaming about cosmonaut Martina Voluskova, “with whom I shall soon rendezvous,” he chortled, eyeing his case of smuggled vodka. Later, with… Continue Reading
Gertrude froze, the morning dew soaking through her thin-soled slippers. Half-eaten pink petals littered her lawn. A full swath of her prize tulips had been chewed down to nubby stalks — the rest looked intact, for now. She could only… Continue Reading
(After Saki) “Mum’s in the loo,” the young girl told him. “She takes forever. I mean literally for ever.” Frank sat. This had been his mother’s idea. “You’ve got to meet people, Frankie Boy. You’re thirty-five. Upload a photo. Invent… Continue Reading
I had a meeting with the editor of a well-known magazine. She said, “I think your paradigm got stuck up your monomyth.” “Oh dear. Is that bad?” “Bad? You want to be a writer, don’t you?” “Well, I did. I’m… Continue Reading
Exhaust fumes and damp air hung over the streets in a miasma that exhausted Sidney Berger. Still two hours to drive the fleet cab before his shift ended. The half-filled container of coffee threatened to slip off the dashboard and… Continue Reading