It’s not easy being in love when you’re undead. I mean, this definitely isn’t the afterlife I would have chosen for myself. If I had the choice, I’d still be living and breathing and sitting in AP Calc next to… Continue Reading
One of the most notorious episodes in the Aleph Club’s history of course was the time it agreed to purchase an infinite library from a mysterious South American salesman passing through on business. “It will be just like that time… Continue Reading
It doesn’t really matter how I died. It was stupid. I ate some hazelnut frosting at a birthday party for my coworker. Anaphylactic. Very tragic. Boom dead. What matters, though, is the stuff I left behind. After my funeral, all… Continue Reading
Detective Wendy Murtaugh walked through the door of the West Side Coin Shop. “Thank goodness you’re here!” exclaimed shop owner Carlton Clark. “My most valuable coin, a 1943 copper penny, is missing. I found a ransom note in its place.”… Continue Reading
The year Will and I played our best light prank ever was also the year we got caught. We’d been doing it since we were ten: switching out strings of Christmas lights for different colors, changing the positions of yard… Continue Reading
Max launched himself out of bed and raced into his parents’ bedroom bellowing, “Get up, get up already, today is my birthday!” The commotion continued as Max bounced around the apartment like a jackrabbit singing, “I’m five, I’m five, I’m… Continue Reading
Just an empty hallway. He closed the door. It had been aggravating timing, too. Rinsing the dish soap off, drying his hands, yelling “Hold on!” tripping over the clutter, yanking the door because it stuck. Another knock came. Yank! “Okay—”… Continue Reading
Like I’m supposed to, I show up on the High Holidays and go to grad school and graciously accepted the 18th-birthday nose job from my dad who cares way more than I do that I be available and palatable for… Continue Reading
“We’re only here because we love you.” I come home from the grocery store to find my living room filled with family and friends. It smells like cake. But it’s not my birthday. “Sit down.” I would rather stand. In… Continue Reading
People’s obsession with goals, mission statements, work objectives. I never got it. Me, I followed the path of least resistance. I went to the first college that took me and accepted the first job offer. At the office, I did… Continue Reading