Jenna Driscoll, navigator on the Titania, was in her quarters when a tone alerted her to visitors. She activated a screen and saw two Bobs standing there, looking troubled. One was William Norman, who had once asked her out. Jenna had refused—she didn’t like Similars—and he hadn’t asked again. She had a good idea what they wanted, but she let them in anyway.
“Hello, Bob,” she said to William Norman before nodding to the second visitor. “Bob.”
“I’m William Norman, and this is Franklin Thomas,” William said.
“I know who you are, Bob.” Jenna glanced at the Bob named Franklin Thomas. “Pleased to meet you, Bob.” She turned back to William. “How can I help you?”
“The ship is off course,” William said.
“I know.”
“It’s headed to Siduri.”
“I know.”
William frowned. “How do you know? Unless—”
“Right you are, Bob, I reprogrammed the navigation computer.”
“Why? We’re supposed to go to the colony on Sagan Four.”
Jenna glared at them. “Because after spending years as the only Classic among a ship full of Similars, the thought of spending the rest of my life with thousands of you on Planet Vanilla makes me want to vomit.”
“Sagan Four,” Franklin Thomas said.
“You need to fix the navigation,” William said.
Jenna shook her head. “No.”
“But Siduri has—Siduri has—”
“Nonhuman species. So?”
Both Bobs shuddered. Jenna almost felt sorry for them. It wasn’t their fault they were afflicted with Vanilla Syndrome, the homogenization process that had resulted in most humans looking alike. They were fair-skinned, brown-eyed, blondish, and bland. There was a dulled and blunted quality to how they looked and talked and thought, a vacuousness under their cheerful expressions, as if the edges and corners of their personalities had been rounded off or the colors that made up humanity melted in a big pot to produce beige. They were called “Similars.” Jenna called them Bobs and Bettys.
“Tell you what,” Jenna said. “Once we’re orbiting Siduri, drop me off in the shuttle. If you agree, I’ll set a new course for Planet Vanilla.”
“Sagan Four,” Franklin Thomas said.
William nodded. “We agree to your terms.”
William piloted the shuttle to Siduri. Two dozen Similars came along for the ride. Jenna suspected they just wanted to gawk at the native Sidurians. She had insisted they not bring weapons and patted them down before they boarded the shuttle.
After landing, Jenna was first down the ramp. A welcome party of nine humans waited, all of them astride the planet’s native sentient inhabitants, known as Frains. The Frains were hairless six-legged creatures with shimmering blue skin and large heads possessing four huge eyes, two in front and one on each side. They reminded Jenna of a cross between miniature, trunkless elephants and giant squids and must have weighed close to two hundred kilograms. Their human riders included black, brown, and white; short, tall, and medium; young, old, and middle-aged. Jenna was delighted.
“I’m Jenna Driscoll,” she announced as she stepped from the ramp.
“Nanq Telgard,” one of the men said as he dismounted. He gestured toward the Sidurian he’d been riding. “This is my friend Pfunj.”
Pfunj nodded his head and made a sound that reminded Jenna of birdsong.
“Welcome to Siduri,” Nanq said.
“Thanks,” Jenna said.
“Aren’t there others?”
“They’re only visiting temporarily. Then they’ll head to Planet Vanil—I mean Sagan Four.”
A moment later, two dozen Bobs and Bettys, with William Norman in the lead, shuffled down the ramp. One of the Bettys spotted a Frain and screamed. She spun around and collided with the Bob behind her. He fell into a Betty. Chaos broke out until William Norman calmed everyone down.
“Greetings,” Nanq said to them. “We have refreshments for you.”
“What refreshments?” a Bob asked.
“Panglang and sproong,” Nanq replied.
“What are they?” a Betty asked.
“Panglang is similar to fried grasshoppers. Sproong is like stewed chicken feet, but the bones are softer. Both go well with beer.”
“I’m going to be sick,” a Betty said.
“I’m so sorry,” Nanq said. “We’ll take you to the infirmary.”
The Betty looked at William Norman. “Can you take me back to the Titania?”
William nodded, but Jenna thought he looked disappointed.
“I’ll go back with you,” another Bob said.
“I’ll go, too,” a Betty replied.
All the Bobs and Bettys returned to the Titania. Jenna, despite herself, felt sad she wouldn’t see any of them again. They hadn’t mistreated her, they’d just ignored her, as if she were a piece of furniture. She banished the thought and joined the Sidurians for panglang, sproong, and beer.
The shuttle returned the next day. William Norman descended the ramp, where Jenna and Nanq and a group of Frains and colonists waited.
“What’s up, William?” Jenna asked. She needed to stop calling her former shipmates Bobs and Bettys, lest the Sidurians think her obnoxious.
“Some of us would like to stay on Siduri instead of continuing to Sagan Four. If you’ll have us.”
Jenna was stunned. She wanted Nanq to tell them no, but she was too shocked to speak. Nanq told William he and his companions were welcome. Jenna tried not to grind her teeth.
William thanked Nanq and looked at Jenna. “What about you, Jenna? Is it all right with you?”
Jenna thought about it. She’d been insulting Similars most of her life, but maybe it was time to take the high road. Besides, she didn’t want to make a bad impression on her new Sidurian friends. Nevertheless, she hesitated. And she had a question.
“What changed?”
William shrugged. “I figured it was time to strike a blow against Vanilla Syndrome.”
“Do the others feel that way?”
William nodded.
“Then you won’t be able to, um, hook up with one another.”
“We know.”
Jenna gave William an appraising look. His eyes were hazel, not brown. She hadn’t noticed that before.
She made her decision.
“Okay, then,” she said, nodding. “Welcome to Siduri.”
Richard Dalglish is a freelance editor and writer and the author of six novels and two novellas, all in the fantasy genre. His most recent novel is “The Ulder’s Plot,” a fantasy legal thriller. His science fiction romance parody short story “Love’s Galactic Passion” appeared in the inaugural issue of “Sci-Fi Lampoon Magazine.” He is the former managing editor of Jewelers’ Circular Keystone (JCK), a business-to-business magazine covering the fine-jewelry industry. He lives in Yardley, Pa., with his wife and cat.
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