UNCLE DON GETS TWITTER • by Benjamin Brandenburg

Don Hartford @UncleDoninIndiana · Sept 17

Today Kyle showed up at house w/mother. Lovely woman. Different than expected/pictured. Kyle been exaggerating? Possibly! Brought cake for birthday. How great to be surprised? Sometimes think seen all life can offer & feel cynical. Just then, surprise, life pretty good!

10 Retweets       100 Likes


Don Hartford Retweeted
Kyle Bergen @RealKyleBergen · Sept 17

Shout out @UncleDoninIndiana just turnt 83! Old af but still trill. Cant drive anymore or play Call of Duty but taught me 2 use posthole diggers. Not bad temper like other old ppl. Not mean. Def seen him get sad abt wife b4 but never took it out on me. Props 2 Don u so old bruh!!

6 Retweets         81 Likes


Don Hartford @UncleDoninIndiana · Sept 8

By end Nancy so thin. Always said not hungry. FRUSTRATING! Also shaky hands couldn’t eat w/utensil. Not great w/out utensil either. Would feed applesauce using plastic spoon & bib. Said made her feel like baby, & me papa. Even then Nancy still sad? Never had baby now is baby?

2 Retweets         70 Likes


Don Hartford @UncleDoninIndiana · Aug 30

Kyle came over to show how internet works. Some parts GREAT! Cats/dogs in outfits. Also old Gunsmoke & Roy Rogers. Other parts STRANGE/SHOCKING! Internet good or bad? Probably same proportion good/bad as world. Could pay Kyle for computer lessons instead of yardwork in future?

0 Retweets         51 Likes


Don Hartford @UncleDoninIndiana · Aug 20

Do sometimes wish had grown children now? For visits/bringing grandchildren? To provide assisted care when big/inevitable decline comes soon? Yes! But just way it goes. Never in million years guessed would be one lived LONGER.

2 Retweets         62 Likes


Don Hartford @UncleDoninIndiana · Aug 12

Saw Kyle on bus again & offered $20 to dig holes in yard to fix fence. Work 5 mins. Stop. Look at phone. Then work/stop/phone again. Good kid but LAZY! Something wrong w/whole generation? Maybe just never taught work ethic. From now on if annoyed w/Kyle will try patience instead.

4 Retweets         59 Likes


Don Hartford @UncleDoninIndiana · Aug 2

1/ One story about crying since people STILL asking. Circa 1975 grocery shopping w/Nancy. Barren/have accepted by then. Checkout line see baby in cart behind us. Make goo-goo eyes. Baby laughs. Nancy takes off. Buy groceries go to parking lot find her crying in car.

0 Retweets         44 Likes


Don Hartford @UncleDoninIndiana · Aug 2

2/ Ask what I did wrong? She says no she is wrong because made wrong, on fundamental level. Agonizing! Then just go home eat dinner like normal. Late that night tiptoe outside cry in toolshed face pressed in bag of mulch to be quiet. Worst feeling = love someone/can’t help them.

0 Retweets         51 Likes


Don Hartford @UncleDoninIndiana · July 28

Lots more “followers” lately. What could be about? Why old Don Hartford so popular? People reading tweets ironically? Perhaps! Okay if so. Happy if other people happy. Feel free to reach out/explain. Know how to read direct messages now. But how to send one? Different story haha.

3 Retweets         32 Likes


Don Hartford @UncleDoninIndiana ·  July 19

Saw Kyle on crosstown bus. Where going by himself? Didn’t think to ask. Oh Kyle = “punk” kid from Meyerson’s. Really not punk at all. Said sorry stomped foot/called dickhead. Told him don’t worry/forgot about it already. Actually did forget till saw him! Memory these days faulty?

0 Retweets         11 Likes


Don Hartford @UncleDoninIndiana · July 14

1/ Punk kid at Meyerson’s stealing candy bar today. Shameful! Come up grab arm/say put it back. Then drag outside. Stomps my foot/calls me dickhead. Can say dickhead on Twitter? Threaten to find his house/tell his mother. Punk says go nuts but mom won’t be home till 2 am if lucky.

0 Retweets         9 Likes


Don Hartford @UncleDoninIndiana · July 14

2/ Tell him okay then how about dad? No dad to tell he says. Oh real smart huh I say but now wish hadn’t. Turn him loose watch run across parking lot jump fence up steep hill into woods. So kid not punk maybe. Just in tough situation. Will delete previous tweet if can figure out how.

0 Retweets         16 Likes


Don Hartford @UncleDoninIndiana · July 12

First year w/out Nancy very BAD. Born in Depression deployed Korea but never known empty feeling before. Makes teeth kind of… buzz? Hard to explain. Dr. said get out house every day take bus run errands see people etc. Not a shrink just GP but good guy gone to him long time.

0 Retweets         5 Likes


Don Hartford @UncleDoninIndiana · July 5

Reading tweets from famous people all day. Seems trick to make short/simple point then restate w/emphasis. Wish could redo from beginning. Hello my name Don. Wife died, sad! No children, double SAD! Taking more long walks & buying more groceries. Signs of hope/clouds lifting?

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Don Hartford @UncleDoninIndiana · June 30

If wondering, two nephews from sister Marie. Had great wife Nancy for 54 years until she died. No kids for us. Won’t speak ill of Nancy but her womb was kind of cockeyed (word doctor used with me in private once). She cried that night & many others. I cried a few nights myself.

0 Retweets         3 Likes


Don Hartford @UncleDoninIndiana · June 20

My name is Don Hartford. I should have said that before. Hard to know what’s important. Better be economical with words. Better be… short! Fun watching ticker count down to zero though. Like computer games my nephews used to play. They live in Arizona. Whoops, already at limit!

0 Retweets         1 Likes


Don Hartford @UncleDoninIndiana · June 12

First day on Twitter.com. I plan to “tweet” once a week and see what happens. Make new friends, maybe? Who knows! Still learning the rules. Not sure what exact character limit is. Also, not sure what a character is? Just kidding, kind of. How do you do laughing on here? Hahahaha?

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Benjamin Brandenburg lives in Columbia, South Carolina, where he owns the city’s only independent bookstore. Other recent work can be found online at Hobart, Literary Orphans, Monkeybicycle, and Wigleaf.


If you want to keep EDF around, Patreon is the answer.

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