The water’s cloudy. The countless blue tiles of the center lane markers — I did the math walking the outside of the pool last Saturday — disappear into a murky haze. Even where I stand in the shallow end. My… Continue Reading
“Danny, it’s a well-known fact that a man needs a good watch to have a good time,” my pun-prolific dad had said when I graduated college. For years the velvet-lined box lay buried in the back of a dresser drawer… Continue Reading
The warder and the priest come before dawn to rouse me from shivering non-sleep. Heads shaved, barefoot, we are pushed from the gaol into the shadow of the cathedral. My fellow murderers are both men. The thin grey one rubs… Continue Reading
I’m running through the airport with a floppy Christmas cactus in one arm and yanking a rolling suitcase with the other. Neither of which are mine. The owner of both, a fortyish woman with a scarf, chases me. Shouting, “Hey!… Continue Reading
It’s clear that no one would ever willingly drink it, but there’s no consensus on why. “It won’t be the same,” Count Orlok complains. “It’s disgusting. Mortals ruin everything.” He’s been in a foul mood ever since the TSA confiscated… Continue Reading
To the Sorely Mistaken Acquisitions Department of the Big Box Department Store: A certain line of baby products you are selling has come to my attention, and let me tell you, I am not happy. I have been informed that… Continue Reading
He filled his seat at the table as though poured into it. Sprawled out in front of him was a book of crosswords. At 8:45 every morning he sat at his place and pondered over a crossword while the coffee… Continue Reading
When we opened Jamal up, the parasite was gone. An alarming discovery that left our surgical team dumbfounded. The ramifications hit us concurrently. From the limited information the military had shared, we knew it required a warm-blooded host. As we… Continue Reading
[Sleep Today: 5.3 hours | Average: 7.2 hours] + [Coffees Today: 3 | Average: 4] + [Constraint: 33 minutes until scheduled dinner at 154 Hampton Avenue] : Best Match : Premium Sponsor 753. Directive: Play ad 753.1198 and route past… Continue Reading
Gaz rings and tells me he needs a lift — he’s out near St Andrews and he’s hit a kangaroo with his car. “It’s a write-off,” he says. I roll my eyes and leave a half a can of beer… Continue Reading