VANITY • by K. A. Patterson

“Okay, push!”

The woman’s face squinched up, reddening with effort.

Sweat trickled down the back of his neck.

“Maybe if you wiggled a bit,” he suggested.

“Like this?”

“Ah, here let me–” He shoved harder.

“Ow!” she howled, her lardonous body jiggling. “It’s too tight!”

“Obviously,” he said. “Can we now try your real shoe size?”

Kay Patterson lives in the outskirts of Pittsburgh. She is the creator and senior editor of AlienSkin Magazine. Her tales have appeared in numerous print and online magazines, with her most work appearing or upcoming in Murky Depths, From the Asylum, Apex Digest; and in the anthologies, Read By Dawn with Ramsey Campbell, Black Box, and FlashSpec II.

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Every Day Fiction

  • Heh-Heh-Heh!!!
    Oh, that’s just too funny!!!
    Brings tears to my eyes.

  • Oonah V Joslin

    Maybe a shoe horn, a rub of lard and a prayer? Heehee

  • I love it!!!

    All sorts of images went through my mind before I got to the end.

    🙂 Heidi

  • Tootsie McCallahan


  • Mark Dalligan

    Great set up, letting the readers write their own story – then down to earth!



  • The mind boggled, until the last line! I thought she was delivering a baby or something LOL

    Well done!


  • I totally thought she was pregnant! The shoe line was awesome, especially because I know people like this.

  • Kay Patterson

    Glad you liked my little tale. It was fun to write. Writer’s Digest Magazine posted a little writing exercise, challenging writers to write tight little tales–this was years ago, long before micro-fiction hit the Web. It’s a great excerise in word choice and concise story-telling. Try it!

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