BABY SECRET • by Jason Cota

How do you spell weentsie?

What are you talking about?

I’m making a baby shower invitation and want to write teentsie weentsie. How do you spell it?

If you already know how to spell teencie, then why are you asking about weencie?

I don’t know how to spell either word. But if you tell me how to spell weentsie, then I can pretty much figure out how to spell teentsie. There’s only one difference. Right?

What difference is that?

Are you serious? Just give me the spelling!

I usually say eencie weencie. Not teencie weencie. I’ve heard some people say teencie eencie also.

Hmmm. All of those ways sound fine.

I think if you want to make something sound really tiny, you use all three. Like teencie eencie weencie.

I don’t want to make it sound that tiny.

What are you really writing on the invitation? Give me the full phrase or sentence so I can put it into context.

Just tell me how to spell weentsie and then I will show you the finished product.

W-e-e-n-c-i-e.

That doesn’t look right.

I thought you didn’t know how to spell it.

I don’t. But that doesn’t look right when I type it.

How would you spell it?

I had it in my mind that it was spelled w-e-e-n-t-s-i-e.

That is definitely not how you spell weencie. It would look even worse if you spelled teentsie that way.

Okay. You’re right. Teentsie does not look right at all.

Do you have a problem with the c or the i-e part?

I have a problem with both.

What?! How could you not like both?

I just don’t think weencie looks right at all.

How about w-e-e-n-s-y?

I love you.

Really? That was easy. Who’s having a baby?

Hold on. I’m working here.

Don’t tell me it’s Shannon. Anyone but that God-awful Shannon.

Don’t be mean. I still don’t know why you hate her so much.

It’s like you don’t even know me.

Whatever. Here, take a look.

I have a teensy weensy secret. Maybe you should’ve just gone with baby secret. Wait. You’ve only written out the words. I thought you were going to show me the finished invitation?

We won’t need it for a while. The finished product won’t be out for another eight months.

I… oh sweetheart. Come here.


Jason Cota is a writer, professor, and pharmacist in San Antonio, Texas.


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