TELEPHONE CALL • by James Bloomfield

“Hello?”

“Mr Carter?”

“Yes?”

“Mr. Michael Carter?”

“That’s right. Who is this, please?”

“This… is Death.”

“Oh. Wow. Okay.”

“It is your time. I have come for you.”

“By telephone? I thought you did this kind of thing in person.”

“I have embraced the digital age. Saves on travel expenses.”

“Smart move.”

“Thank you. Now… prepare yourself… for the afterlife.”

“Um… I still feel pretty good.”

“Wha — You don’t feel the icy hand of Death creeping out of the phone to snatch the life out of you?”

“I have hands-free.”

“What?”

“I have a hands-free kit. I’m driving.”

“Touch the phone.”

“No!”

“Go on. Touch it with one finger.”

“No way, man!”

“Pussy.”

“Fine, whatever. I’m not touching that damn phone.”

“You dare defy me! Snivelling mortal, I am Lord Death, destroyer of worlds. I will — Hello? Hello? Carter! That’s it, I’ll call back. I’ll call with blocked caller ID. You won’t be safe forever!”


James Bloomfield has been writing flash fiction ever since Stanley Donwood’s “Tachistoscope” introduced him to the style. He lives on the outskirts of London, England and is lucky enough to be in love with both his job as policeman and his flame-haired fiancée.


Rate this story:
 average 2.5 stars • 2 reader(s) rated this

Every Day Fiction

  • m.wilkinson

    quirky idea – made me laugh!

  • Ditto the above comment.

    Death’ll be emailing us soon.

  • How refreshing. I loved it and LOL.
    Deborah

  • I start every day with E.D.F. This story is a hoot, I loved it. Send more! Five stars, it made my day and that’s no fooling!

  • I didn’t just laugh out loud, I laughed so hard I snorted. I hate when that happens.

    What a great story, James! Love it, love it, love it. 😀

  • Perfect for April Fool’s day. Thanks for starting my day with a grin.

  • Nice. I like phone call flash and it’s just great for humor. I’ll just go ahead and second all the above comments.

  • Tyrean

    Made me laugh! Thanks!
    Extra perfect for April Fool’s day story for me, for personal reasons.
    Again, thanks for the laughter at just the right time.

  • William Thobaben

    I love it. The contrast of old and new worked very well.

  • Margie

    Ha! You gotta love these new fangled contraptions.

  • Kate

    Ha! Awesome!

  • Anthony

    This definitely made me laugh. A perfect light, fun piece for April Fool’s Day! Thanks for sharing it.

  • Bravo!

  • kathy k

    Funny, cute, thanks.

  • Cute! My laugh for the day. 🙂

  • ArthurThird

    I laughed out loud: advanced phone technology and a technologically retarded Devil–the perfect mix!

  • John Brooke

    Wonderful word mastery, short and right to the point of Death.

  • Fresh, funny, fast. Good job!

  • Nancy Wilcox

    This is fantastic! I love it. It’s funny and weird and I love Death, he’s going to call back with blocked caller ID. That’s the funniest bit.

  • Great humor for such a short flash! Brilliant.

  • billybob

    Enjoyed the piece, nice and whimsical.

  • Pingback: Podcast EDF022: Telephone Call • written by James Bloomfield • read by Matt Cowens | Every Day Fiction - The once a day flash fiction magazine.()

  • Simone

    I’m new to EDF, hence the late date … BUT this is hysterical! Fantastic example of using strictly dialogue. LOVED LOVED LOVED IT! I’m sending it to my friends.