IF YOU CAN’T BEAT BIG BROTHER, ANNOY HIM • by Resha Caner

“Sir, I’m having trouble with one line on your application.”

“Which line?” the man asked, leaning over to look at the form.

“Here.” The salesman pointed. “Where it says, ‘Name’. You entered ‘No’.”

“That is correct,” the man answered, with a nod of his head.

“So, you are Mr. No? Or is that your first name?”

“I don’t have a name.”

“Yeah, right,” the salesman laughed. Then he noted the man’s perfect seriousness, and swallowed the next chuckle. “Please, sir, I can’t sell you the car without your name.”

“Why not?”

“What if this is a fraud?” The salesman blushed slightly.

“You have my loan approval from the bank and the check for my down payment. I assume you have called and verified it.”

“Well, yes.” The salesman turned in his chair as if preparing to run from a madman. “But how would we contact you?”

“Why would you need to?” the man asked. Then he shrugged and pointed to the application. “My address is on the loan application and my check.”

“Well, yes,” the salesman said again. He seemed to note his own repetitiveness and nervously cleared his throat. He gave the check a second look, and saw it had no name. With a start he looked at the bank loan approval. No name. “How would we address you?”

“With my address.” The man revealed a huge smile as he spoke.

“All right.” The salesman let the paperwork drop to his desk. “This is just absurd. How did you get a bank account without a name?”

“I had my driver’s license for proof of residency. It has my picture, you know. Oh, and I had a paycheck from my employer.”

“But how did you get a driver’s license?”

“By passing the test. Nothing in the state code says you need a name to pass the test.”

“Your signature!” The salesman held up a finger in victory. “I can’t give you the car until you sign the application.”

“I did.”

“You did?” The salesman picked up the paper from his desk again. “What is this? It looks like a little owl.”

“I’m a good artist, aren’t I? I teach art. A signature is simply proof of authenticity — a unique sign. I think you shall find mine very unique.”

“But,” the salesman sputtered in frustration. “But why an owl?”

“Whooooo?” the man cooed.

The salesman dropped his head into one hand, and held out the keys with the other. “Please go. I have a headache.”


Resha Caner has dreamed many dreams, but found trying to pursue them all a bit counterproductive–and very expensive. On the positive side, dreams have given him an infinite amount of story material. Some of this has recently been shared at “Sage of Consciousness”, “Planet Mag”, “SNReview” and “Bewildering Stories”.


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 average 4.5 stars • 2 reader(s) rated this

Every Day Fiction

  • Bonnie

    A great story, in this age of diminishing privacy!

  • Lyn

    Fun dialog and, yes, very annoying, indeed. 🙂 This is my kind of humor. (Read my flash tomorrow and I think you’ll see the connection, lol) Lyn from ResAliens

  • Oonah V Joslin

    Having a name that gives receptionists etc a headache myself, I thoroughly enjoyed the salesperson’s discomfort and thank you for the laugh. I shall try to annoy big brother at least once this week on your behalf.

    :):)nah

  • Denny

    Very hilarious. Nicely written.

  • HvD

    Funny!

  • Tootsie McCallahan

    This was very funny.
    My type of humor as well.

  • Thankyou for the wonderful comments. It seems my peculiar sense of humor has found a home.

  • The dialogue in this piece is witty and to the point.
    My favourite line:

    “Whooooo?” the man cooed.

  • I loved this lost tech solution to the anarchists dilemma! Witty and fun!

  • Try having a name of more then 255 char.
    You can’t be entered in to any poorly designed computer system.

    I have a friend that has a extremely long last name, when she graduates shes will only be able to fit the first 50 chars of it on her diploma.
    She wrote a essay about it and submitted it to the school.

  • John M. Whalen

    Resha,

    Definitely twisted. I enjoyed it.

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  • you suck if i had tamatos i would throw them at u i need to know how to annoy my big bro not whatever u did!!!! i bet ur a boy too