Every Day Fiction

  • Bonnie

    Heh, heh, heh.

  • HvD

    One of the best yet ~ thanks for the good morning laugh!

  • Jeanne Holtzman

    LOL, Lyndon! Thanks so much for the laugh before breakfast. Believe it or not, I have a file of idea-generators that I copied from spam emails I’ve received – hateful jitterbugging, tragic deadhead whoever (what a description of a pathetic dead hippie!), absorbent couch, apologetic hangman, choosy bisexual, homesick manure malformation, the list goes on and on. What a fun way to poke fun at authors and editors alike.

    • Lyndon

      I agree – the subjects found in my junk email folder are just ridiculous! Hasn’t spam devolved into a joke? It used to be annoying, now it’s simply absurd. Thanks for your comment, Lyndon

  • I love it! You’ve got great wit. It’s a bit like the infinite number of monkeys writing Shakespeare – but much funnier.

    And, BTW, though I’m not fond of arithmetic, I do enjoy much of mathematics.


    • Lyndon

      Well, see that’s why when it comes to those things I’m just plain ignorant – I thought math and arithmetic were the same. lol Maybe I’m thinking of arrhythmia. 🙂

  • Hmmm…. was THIS story “generated”?

    • Lyndon

      Yes. In the dark recesses of my mind, lol.

  • Harley

    Oh Lyndon, to be able to laugh out loud before breakfast is a lovely thing. And even better when there’s a tinge of nervousness in it, about the identity of the brunt of the joke.

    • Lyndon

      And your nervous because…

  • Nice! Happy I am at the munificent very pickle of short longing kudos.
    -F.F. Generator

    • Lyndon

      Ha. Love it.

  • Kate Thornton

    Wonderful – laughed out loud!

  • Very funny, I love it!

  • Lyndon

    Thanks for all the comments so far. Yeah, I have a Space Monkey Flash Fiction piece at Ray Gun Revival that is basically the same story but different setting 🙂 Email me and I’ll send it to anyone interested. lgp

    • You’re welcome to link out to it in the comments Lyndon. Links in comments are no-follow.

      • Lyndon

        “A Thousand Splendid Monkeys” appeared in http://www.raygunrevival.com the August 1st issue, it’s in PDF format. Great zine, btw. Thanks Jordan for what you’re doing here. lgp

  • I know this is irrelevant to the story, but I have to respond to Lyndon’s comment:

    Well, see that’s why when it comes to those things I’m just plain ignorant – I thought math and arithmetic were the same.

    This is what is so sad about elementary school. What kid isn’t bored by the repetition of memorizing tables of numbers: 1+1=2, 1+2=3, 1+3=4. That’s arithmetic. We lose so many kids who might have otherwise enjoyed mathematics – which is about problem solving and logic.

    Maybe I need to become the Mr. Wizard of mathematics.

    • I am the Mathemagician! Now watch me make this remainder… DISAPPEAR!!!

      *courtesy of the Simpsons

  • This could work…
    You just need enough previously published work to make the hysteric for the algorithm. Just keep dumping more and more data on the same theme in to the system until it starts finding patterns in the way good fiction is written.

    I tried finding the link, but they do something similar for pop music, where a large publishing company will run your new song thou there system and it will give you a rating based off of the current pop charts. The system works and most of the time predict what song off a certain CD will rise the highest on the charts.

  • I tried something like this in my Artificial Intelligence class using second order Markov models. The sentences all looked good, but the overall story made no sense. I thought of using a third order model, but it would be massively complex. I don’t think I ever used an explicit heuristic beyond the one found by the model.

  • Oonah V Joslin

    I enjoyed your story Lyndon. I used to think algebra was a code set up to confuse me – it is taught so much better these days.

  • John M. Whalen


    Good work. I enjoyed the reference to Alan Smithee.

    • Lyn

      Was wondering if anyone would catch the reference. 😉
      Good story 2 days back, too, btw, John. lgp

  • Bob Powell

    Very clever and amusing that story was I think.


  • Tootsie McCallahan

    But I do love to write.

    And I DO love this story. 🙂

    • Lyndon

      Thanks Bob and Tootsie… lgp

  • The artificial intelligence and mathematics comments are a bit beyond me, but my lack of technical knowledge did not get in the way of my enjoying the story. Very clever satire!

    I particularly enjoyed this line:

    “Getting closer, Smitty.” Alan can barely contain his enthusiasm. “We’ll be rich before you know it.”

    Rich. From short stories. Picture me doubled over with laughter.

    • Lyn

      One can hope! lol, Thanks for reading and commenting.

  • marilyn

    I still marvel that someone as ‘busy’ as you has time to spin these stories out! Not surprised that your mind works as it does, a zillion ideas, jokes, puns coming together at a time. Keep up the fun writing, we enjoy the humor you send! m

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